You already have what it takes to build strong relationships with people. If you find yourself struggling, you just haven’t connected the dots. Not a problem. I’ll teach you how.
It’s worth repeating – you already have what it takes to build strong relationships. You’re interesting enough and your abilities are fine.
Sure, you can become more interesting and you can improve your social skills – which I highly recommend you do throughout your entire life – but you are ready to make new friends and build meaningful connections with people right now.
There are three main components to connecting with people:
- Being curious
- Relating to what they say
- Making them feel good about themselves
We’re going to cover these in depth in the next lesson. But before we do, you need to do some preparation.
In order to relate to the things people say, you must understand what you find important or interesting, and know why you do. This will help you come off as interesting and confident, which are very attractive qualities.
Once you do this, you can learn how to have great conversations with people.
Let’s get to it.
Who Are You? And More Importantly, Why?
People need to remember who you are, otherwise, their generic vision of you will blur with all the other strangers they’ve met. If someone is asked if they remember you, you want them to think, “Of course I remember Rob! His passion for nature made me want to get out and hike more often!”
You want them to remember specific qualities about you that stand out. To do this, you need to:
- Know what you love.
- Know why you love those things.
- Express those in the right manner.
You already completed number 1 when you created a list of your interests in Module 1. Now, using that list, you need to understand why you love these things.
You’ll notice the column at the very right of Worksheet 2 labeled “Why I Enjoy These.” In this column, you want to list all the reasons why you love, enjoy or appreciate the different answers in your lists to the left.
Feel free to group things together here. For example, if you like running and weight lifting, you may like them for the same reason – you enjoy intense workouts. Or because you love the challenge, enjoy the feeling of exertion, or appreciate the long-term benefits. Or all of the above.
I’ve created an example to help you create your own list (you can view the PDF here):
It’s important that you dig deep and find your true reasons. Don’t use mine just because they sound nice or seem like good answers. Figure out why you love the things you do.
These are going to be the topics you want to discuss when you meet people, so make your list as authentic and complete as possible.
You’ll also review these once per week when you review your interests, and before you go out to meet people. Like the other lists, you can change it whenever you want to make it as accurate as possible.
Action Steps
1. Complete the column “Why I Enjoy These” in Worksheet
- Use the PDF with examples from this module to help you come up with ideas so you understand what you’re looking for. Make sure to come up with your own, true answers though.