Consistent Social Groups (CSGs) are hands down the best places to make new friends from scratch. Remember, a CSG is a group of people that meet on a regular basis to interact and are typically formed around a shared interest or activity. Examples include adult-league sports, book clubs, volunteer organizations, hobby/interest groups, business networking groups, classes, etc.
Although it’s easier to make friends at work or through your existing network of friends and acquaintances, you may not have those options or you may have exhausted those opportunities. Even if you haven’t, a CSG is the next best place for finding new friends.
We previously discussed what CSGs are, why they’re so great for meeting people, and how to find them. Now you’ll learn how to meet the other group members to give you the best chance of befriending them.
I’ve noticed a problem over the years. Some people show up, talk to their group members, but never really become friends with them. They say hi when they see each other and talk during group meetups, but that’s about it.
I want to keep you away from this trap of being friendly without becoming real friends. If you start the relationship off right, you’ll set yourself up to make friends quickly and easily.
To do this, there are two important keys: be prepared and get on a personal level quickly. I’ll show you how.
Preparation
Before you head out to go to your group meetup or activity, you need to make sure you’re ready. Let’s go through the five things you need to do before you leave your house:
- Properly schedule your meetup. Make sure it’s on your calendar and that you are free.
- Take care of all prerequisite tasks. Pay, email the group leader, sign up, or do whatever is necessary to join. Get your gear, buy and read your book, print and sign the release waiver, etc.
- Understand and account for logistics. Know how you will get there and how long it will take. You definitely don’t want to be late to the first meetup.
- Know what you are going to wear. Different activities call for different attire and you want to look good. Know what you need or want to wear (especially if you have to buy something) and make sure it’s clean and ready for the day of your meetup.
- Communicate with the group. This is really important. Usually, the group will communicate through email, text, a Facebook Group, a website, or some other way. It’s critical that you get involved with this. If they ask questions or want a head count for the activity, make sure to reply. You can introduce yourself to the group, ask them questions, and answer questions they ask of you.
All of this comes down to one mindset – taking the group seriously. Don’t flake on the group. If you’re going to be late or you can’t make a session, let them know with as much warning as possible. Maybe even find ways to contribute to the group in other ways than just joining and attending.
This is critical because first impressions are important. People join CSGs to make their lives better. If you don’t give the group the respect it deserves, people will be put off and it will hurt your chances of gaining their friendship.
This shouldn’t be hard because the groups you join should truly interest you.
Visualize the Meetup
Next, you want to have an idea of what your meetup will be like. You don’t need to write this down and it shouldn’t take long, but it’s good to know what to expect when you show up. Here are some questions you should think through and visualize before heading out the door:
- What do you need to do when you get to the activity? Do you need to find a signup booth, knock on someone’s door and introduce yourself, find members of your group in a park, find the classroom and take a seat, or something else?
- How will you start meeting people? I’ll go through the specifics of what you should do, but what will the situation look like? Are people huddled around talking, are they sitting in seats, and what are people doing before the activity starts? Think about what opportunities you will have to introduce yourself to people.
- How can you interact with people during the activity while leaving a positive impression? For a sports team, you can try your hardest, give people compliments while playing, and keep a positive attitude throughout the game. For a book club, you can add to the discussion and compliment people for their thoughts and opinions. For a hiking group, you could thank them for having you, have a fun personality during the hike, and offer to help look for future hikes. Be creative here.
- How can you connect with people before you leave? People often mingle before leaving the group activity. They may talk about how the activity went or just socialize. Think through the different ways you can connect with people before they leave so you can make a good impact.
- How else can you connect with these people? Maybe there are breaks during the meetup. Maybe you can talk to people while subbing out during a sports game. Maybe you can talk to people during a water break at boot camp workout. Or maybe your class breaks into groups for a bit.
This exercise helps you visualize your group meetup and prepares you for the different situations you’ll meet people in. The more prepared you are, the better your chances of success.
How to Meet People at CSGs
Consistent Social Groups are great because the other members expect to meet new people like you. This makes the introduction process extremely easy and is one of the reasons CSGs are so great for finding new friends.
During your first group meetup, you sometimes have to search for the other members. If it’s a sports league, you have to find your team. If it’s an interactive class, you have to find the classroom. If it’s a board game meetup, you have to find the house or meetup location.
Because of this, your first introduction might start by making sure you’re in the right place unless you already know you are. Here are some of the best and easiest ways to start your first conversations with the other members:
- Ask if you’re in right place or if this is the group you joined.
- Introduce yourself and get the other person’s name.
- Mention that you’re excited to be here/join the group/do the activity and possibly thank them.
- Make a contextual statement/compliment (Contextual means something in your environment or relevant to why you are there. E.g. mention something about the location, compliment something they are wearing, etc.)
- Ask a contextual question.
All you’re trying to do is get a conversation started and get their first name. You don’t need to overthink this. Here are some example conversations:
Meeting with a running group:
Me: Hi, is this the running group that meets on Saturdays? I spoke to John and a few others through email.
Them: Yup! Welcome!
Me: Great! I’m Rob by the way.
Them: Nice to meet you. I’m Sara. That’s John over there.
Me: Ok cool. It’s good to meet you too, Sara. This seems fun. I’m really excited to run with you guys today. Thanks for having me.
Them: No worries. We love meeting other runners.
Me: For sure. This seems like a cool place to run. So Sara, do you guys typically choose trails or do you switch it up and do city runs as well?
As you can see, nothing crazy. I started the conversation by finding out if Sara was part of the running group. I also introduced myself, mentioned that I was excited and thankful, and asked a contextual question at the end – which are ways you can start the conversation if you know you’re in the right place.
Once you know you’re in the right spot, it can be very simple. For example, after speaking to Sara above, I can break from that conversation and meet another runner, like this:
Me: Hi, I’m Rob.
Them: Hey, I’m Jeff.
Me: Nice to meet you, Jeff. So, how long have you been running with this group?
That’s all you need to do. An introduction followed by a contextual question is enough to get the conversation started.
Here’s an example of starting a conversation with someone at my first yoga class:
Me: Hi, have you attended many of these classes before?
Them: I’ve been coming for a few weeks now.
Me: Ok cool. I’m new to this so I’m not really sure what to expect. I’m Rob by the way.
Them: I’m Jessie.
Me: Nice to meet you. Apparently you like these classes. What keeps you coming back?
There’s not much to it. I asked a contextual question, made a comment, introduced myself, and asked another contextual question.
As you can see, contextual questions and comments are important at this stage because it’s something you know you have in common. You don’t know each other on a personal level yet, so you don’t need to ask personal questions. You can do this soon though, which we’ll cover in the next module.
For now, you just want to start a conversation, introduce yourself and get their first name.
Action Steps:
1. Make sure you’re prepared for the event or activity.
- Properly schedule your meetup.
- Take care of all prerequisite tasks.
- Understand and account for logistics.
- Know what you are going to wear.
- Communicate with the group.
2. Attend the event.
3. Start conversations with your group members
- Start a conversation. Use these tips to help:
- Ask if you’re in right place or if this is the group you joined.
- Mention that you’re excited to be here/join the group/do the activity and possibly thank them.
- Make a contextual statement/compliment
- Ask a contextual question.
- Introduce yourself.
- Introduce yourself.
- Get, remember, and use their first name.
That’s it for this lesson. If you want to learn how to meet people in other situations, check out the other lessons in this module. Otherwise, go to Module 3 where you’ll learn how to build strong connections and develop new friendships with these people.