Alright, so you’ve thrown out a soft invite by mentioning that you two should possibly do some activity in the future. If your soft invite was well received, now is a good opportunity to get their phone number or contact info.
I’ve noticed that a lot of people get hung up here. They say that they don’t know how to ask for someone’s phone number, or when they do, it’s awkward and moves the relationship a step backward, not forward.
If you follow the Friends From Scratch process, this should be a simple task. The key to asking someone for their phone number is having a good reason for asking. And you’ll have a good reason when they respond warmly to your soft invite. Without this, it can be awkward.
So, why do you need their phone number anyway?
Why Their Contact Info is Important
You need their phone number so you can keep the relationship going. You want to keep in touch and build the relationship while you’re away. If you don’t have their phone number, you won’t be able to talk to them until the next time you see them (if that even happens).
You also want their number so you can set up hangouts. Hanging out with each other outside of your group setting is critical if you want to develop a good friendship. When you have their phone number, you can invite them to do things with you and figure out the scheduling details.
I recommend that you get people’s phone numbers because most people use text messages and phone calls as their main source of communication. If they don’t have a cell service (some people don’t), just find out how they communicate with people. You might become Facebook friends, get their email, get their Skype account, etc. Whatever they use most frequently to check messages is what you want to use.
The next phase of the friend-making process is going for the hard invite (where you ask them to do something specific with you), which usually happens through text. That’s why it’s so important that you get their number so you can keep this friendship moving forward.
Now, let’s get to the details.
How to Ask for Their Phone Number
Following this advice will ensure that it’s not awkward when you ask for their phone number. It will seem completely normal and they’ll often be glad that you’re asking.
1. Only ask after a “successful” soft invite.
This is very important. If you throw out a soft invite and they don’t seem very interested, DO NOT ask for their phone number.
You’ll have to use your best judgment here to determine whether they seem interested or not. Don’t just listen to their words. Do they smile and seem happy about the offer? Do they have good energy when responding? Do they quickly agree with you?
If so, you’re good to go. If they are hesitant (“Umm…yeah, that could be fun.”) with low energy, you don’t want to ask for their contact info at this time (I touch on what to do in this case later in this lesson).
2. Ask for their phone number and give them your reason for asking.
It’s really that simple. After they indicate that they’d be interested in doing the activity you mentioned, ask them for their phone number so you can get in touch and make it happen.
Here are a couple example conversations (starting with their indication of interest):
Jess: Yeah, that’d be fun to do a hike together 🙂
Rob: Awesome. Let me get your number so we can make it happen. I’ll look for some trails and see if you’re down for any of them.
Or:
Sean: Yeah, I love playing tennis. I’d be down to go play sometime.
Rob: Cool. Let me get your number so we schedule it in one of these days.
As you can see, it’ quite simple. If you don’t have a shared interest, but you both really seem to like each other, you can try something like this:
Rob: I’ve really enjoyed this. We should get together sometime.
Chris: I agree. I’d totally be down.
Rob: Awesome. Let me get your number and we’ll figure something out soon.
As long as they indicate that they’d be interested in hanging out with you (by appearing to enjoy your company and possibly sharing a common interest), you just ask for their number and give them the reason why.
If you don’t feel comfortable telling them to give you their phone number (“Let me get your number…”), feel free to ask instead. Like this:
Rob: Cool. Want to give me your number so we can set it up sometime?
Either way is fine, so do what you prefer.
What to Do If They’re Not Very Interested
If your soft invite falls flat and they don’t share your enthusiasm for hanging out, it doesn’t mean that they won’t be friendlier toward you later. It just means that you shouldn’t move forward yet.
Instead, go back to building your connection with them. Be curious. Relate to what they’re saying. Make them feel good about themselves.
Then, if you think you’ve built a stronger connection, you can try the same soft invite (probably with different wording though) or try a new one.
For example, let’s say you mentioned shopping together. They didn’t show much interest, so you dropped it and kept talking to them. If you think they’re starting to enjoy you more, you can say, “Hey, so were you interested in shopping together sometime?” If they still don’t seem interested, they may have a reason for not wanting to do this specific activity. Maybe they usually shop alone, or with a different friend, or with their significant other, or with their mom. But if you asked them to come to your pool, they’d love to.
So don’t assume they don’t like you if they don’t seem too interested. You may just need to find a different commonality and try another soft invite.
But if they reject other soft invites also, back off. Either move on from this person or keep building a connection without any more soft invites. You can always try again next time you see them.
Action Steps
1. Receive a warm response to your soft invite.
After you throw out your soft invite, gauge the other person’s interest. If they seem interested or excited, you’re good to go.
2. Ask for their phone number and give your reason.
Simply ask for their phone and tell them why you want it (so you two can do the common activity together sometime).