Welcome to Module 4: Hanging Out & Becoming Good Friends. Good work, you’ve accomplished a lot so far.
You’ve met new people, built connections with them, and they’ve even shown interest in possibly hanging out sometime. That’s awesome 🙂
Now it’s time to set up and schedule a firm hangout, keep in touch with them, and continue building the relationship so you can hang out with them on a regular basis.
But before we get to all of that, I want to share three mindsets that will help you find success:
Mindset 1: Rejections are not bad.
I’ve discussed this in previous lessons and there’s no need to beat a dead horse, so I’ll keep it short.
Some people might reject your invitations to hang out. Some people won’t respond to your text messages. Some people may stop hanging out with you.
This happens. Sometimes your friendship isn’t the right fit for them. Sometimes they’re busy with other things. You can’t let this upset you.
Be okay knowing that this will happen. You will get rejected, and it won’t mean that you need to change. It means that this relationship isn’t right at this time.
Be your best-self and find the people who do like you. If someone hasn’t made it clear that they don’t want to hang out or talk, assume they’re busy with other things. You may want to slow down the pace, but keep trying until it becomes clearer that they don’t want you to.
Mindset 2: Be proactive, not pushy.
You must be proactive to make this relationship happen. Whether you’re finding things you both like, inviting them somewhere, texting them first, or restarting a conversation, you can’t wait for them to do all the work.
But you can’t be pushy either. Be proactive and test the waters, then gauge their response. Do they seem annoyed and uninterested? Or are they excited and interested?
If you receive hesitation from them, pull back a little. You can keep pinging them over time to see if they want to do different activities, but once they make a decision, don’t berate them and try to change their mind. Be cool with what they give you.
And if they show interest, keep moving forward.
One thing to note: different people have different personalities. One person could give you a short, one-word text response and be totally interested, where another does it to signify they aren’t interested. It shouldn’t take too long to learn the person though. Are they much of a texter or not? Are they high energy or low energy? A high energy person will show much more enthusiasm if they like something. As long as you’re aware of that, you shouldn’t have much trouble gauging their interest.
Mindset 3: Don’t Settle for One Friend.
You may think you’ve found your new best friend (and you may have), but don’t stop there and only focus on making that one person your friend.
It’s not that you need to be greedy and have a huge social circle if that’s not what you want, but you don’t want to become dependant on any one person. They could end up moving or your relationship could falter. You want to have other options rather than starting from zero again.
Plus, it’s healthier for you to have at least a few friends rather than one.
For those reasons, you want to have other friends in your life too. Don’t stop finding, meeting and connecting with potential friends because you found one. Have a handful to keep your options open.
Of course, there’s a limit to the number of friends you can have. As you start making more friends, you can focus less on meeting new people and more on maintaining and nourishing your existing relationships.
With these three mindsets in your head, you’re ready to get to work to finally hang out with your new friends outside of the initial settings.
See you in the next lesson.