Although this module is about finding new people to meet, there’s more to it than that. It’s also about finding the right people.
If you want to make the kind of friends you dream of having – the type that have your back, are there for you when you need them, and are awesome to be around – you need to know what you want to get out of your friendships and relationships.
Tony Robbins has a great quote:
“You can’t hit a target if you don’t know what it is.”
That quotes sums up this lesson perfectly. If you want to accomplish something, you need to know what it is you truly want.
Today, you’re going to set goals that will help you find the right people and build the right types of friendships. The main benefits of creating these goals are:
- To make sure you’re accomplishing what you actually want
- So you can analyze your actions and decisions to ensure you’re on the right track
The last thing you want is to spend months or years practicing a skill that doesn’t get you any closer to having amazing friends.
For example, imagine spending your weekend nights going to a bar, practicing meeting people and making friends there, and spending months slowly improving. Then, when people finally start seeing you as a friend, you realize these aren’t even the types of people you want to become friends with.
This may sound crazy, and maybe you’re not trying to meet people at your local pub, but it’s not uncommon for people to do things that aren’t actually helping them.
You’re not going to do that.
We’re going to make sure that the actions you take move you closer to your goals. And when they don’t, you can take a step back and ask yourself, is this really helping me achieve my goals? If not, no biggie. At least you can learn from it and can alter your path earlier rather than later.
The Process
To do this, you need to create at least one goal that you want to accomplish. You’ll also provide some details that better clarify what you want.
Then, you’re going to review your goal once every week to keep it in your mind and make sure it’s still what you want to accomplish. It’s common to change your goals over time as you learn more about yourself and what you want.
I’ll provide you with a worksheet, but it doesn’t matter what you use. I have a Google Doc that I pull up once every week with my goals on it. As long as you have it somewhere that you can easily access whenever you want, you’re good to go.
That’s the process. It doesn’t take very long and your goals are not set in stone. You can change your mind or refine your goals whenever you want. Your only mission is to figure out what you truly want.
Creating Your Goals
You need to come up with at least one goal that you want to accomplish when it comes to making friends. Here are some thoughts to help you come up with it:
- What are you striving for?
- If you get exactly what you want out of this course, what will it look like?
- The more descriptive, the better. But don’t disqualify people for not like having certain tastes or dislikes (e.g. they have to like punk rock music)
Here’s are a couple bad examples of goals:
“I want to make more friends and I want everyone I meet to like me.” This is too vague and unrealistic. Do you want a few close friends or a giant social circle? Also, you’ll never get everyone to like you, so you shouldn’t set yourself up for failure.
“I want to have six friends who all like each other, listen to 90’s gangster rap, like playing poker, and drink whiskey.” Now, this is way too specific. People don’t need to be exactly like you to be a good friend. Yes, you want to find things in common with the people you meet, but don’t force those shared interests. Find out what you both like and see if it’s enough to build upon.
Here’s a good example:
“I want to make a handful of friends who are bright, interesting, and ambitious, who like to have fun and get outdoors, who love life and live it intentionally. I want to build close relationships with these people, where I trust them deeply and know they’d be there when I need them.” This is clear and descriptive. It’s easy to know whether someone fits the description or not. And it’s okay if they aren’t an exact fit. At least you know what you’re aiming for. This is good because it includes personality traits you admire rather than specific interests. People who “get outdoors” is more of a mindset that says, “I like to move around and spend time in nature” rather than, “I like hiking and snowboarding.”
After you write your goal, which should be somewhere between one and three sentences, you want to go into a little more detail by giving examples of what these friendships could look like. These are not requirements they need to meet; they’re possible situations you could see yourselves in.
The following questions will help you understand what we’re looking for. But think of any other ways to describe them as well:
- Is it one friend, or ten friends?
- How often do you meet up?
- Where do you meet up?
- What specific activities would you do together?
- Would you take trips with them? Where?
- Are they single, or are they married with kids?
- Do you double date, hang out with a big group, or hang out just the two of you?
- Is it all girls or guys, or is it mixed?
- Are you productive, maybe creating or accomplishing something with them? Or are you relaxing, maybe blowing off some steam together?
Add as much description as possible. The more you understand what you’d like your friendships to look like, the easier it is to make them happen.
Once you finish this part, feel free to alter your original goal if you need.
And that’s it. In the end, you want to have a document that has your goal at the top and a more detailed description of what that goal looks like below. Here’s an example (you can view the PDF here):
Once you have that created, it’s time to make sure you don’t forget about it.
Reviewing Your Goal
Creating a goal doesn’t do much for you if you write it once and never look at it again. You need to continually remind yourself that you’re pursuing a specific accomplishment.
It doesn’t take much time, but the weekly reminder will keep you on your path.
I highly recommend you use a calendar to help you with this program. It keeps you on track and helps you make the right decisions. I like to use Google Calendar, but any calendar will work.
You want to find a time once every week to review your goals and put that time slot on your calendar. I do mine every Monday morning to start the week. The time slot on your calendar should be for 15 minutes, although it usually takes less than five minutes to review.
When you review your goal each week, just read the goal and ask yourself if this is still what you want to accomplish. If you want, you can read some of the details you wrote below the goal, but that’s not necessary every week. All that matters is that you review your goal and make any changes to it if you can make it more accurate. It will often stay the same though, and that’s great.
That’s it. That’s all you need to do to set and strive for your goals. Here’s a recap of your homework from this lesson.
Actions Steps
1. Create Worksheet #1: Your Goals
- Write your goal at the top
- Describe your goal below with concrete examples
2. Set a recurring event on your calendar to review your goal once every week
3. Review your goal once every week
- Read the goal
- Determine if it is still correct
- If not, make changes
- OPTIONAL – Review details below your goal
Once you know what you want, it’s time to determine what you like so we can figure out the best places for you to meet new people. See you in the next lesson.