Now that you’ve compiled your goals and interests, you’re close to finding the best places to meet people.
But first, let’s go through the different types of places to meet people so you can choose which spots are best for you.
The Different Ways to Meet New People
Here are the five best ways to meet new people, along with the pros and cons of each:
1. Consistent Social Groups (CSGs)
Consistent Social Groups are groups of people who meet with each other on a regular basis to do a specific activity. They are excellent places for making new friends.
When looking for a CSG to join, make sure it contains each of these five components:
- Involves other people
- Meets regularly in a physical location
- The same people consistently attend
- You’re forced to work or interact with the other people in the group
- It’s something you enjoy, or would possibly enjoy
Examples of common CSGs are:
- Adult-league sports teams
- Book clubs
- Board game meetup groups
- Official exercise groups (workout boot camps, yoga classes, etc.)
- Unofficial exercise groups (hiking, running, walking, etc.)
- Classes (photography, music production, web development, cooking)
Let’s discuss the positive qualities of a CSG:
- Common interest – CSGs are based on interest activities that you and the other people enjoy. Finding similarities is part of the relationship building process and these give you one from the start.
- Friendship formula – Former FBI Agent Dr. Jack Schafer describes the friendship formula as proximity + frequency + duration + intensity. Basically, the longer, more often, and the closer you are to someone, and the more intense (read deep) your interaction, the better friends you will become. CSGs force you to see the same people for extended periods of time on a regular basis while doing something meaningful, which is a big part of the friend making recipe.
- Fun breeds positive emotions – By doing something you and the others enjoy, people will have a good time while being around you and they will associate those good feelings with you.
- Everyone expects to meet people – Everyone at a CSG understands that they have to interact with strangers. This means they want – or are at least ready – to meet new people. Either way, it’s much easier to befriend people when they are expecting to meet you.
There are a few drawbacks, but they shouldn’t keep you from wanting to go to CSGs:
- It takes work to find a good CSG – The bigger the city, the easier it is to find different CSGs, but it always takes some work. You need to do research (usually online) and find something you like. It’s not always easy to find something you’re interested in.
- It takes real investment – Some groups cost money to join. And every group takes time away from your life. For example, joining a sports team can take up every Thursday night for the next two months. That’s a big investment, especially when you can’t guarantee that you’ll become friends with your teammates.
Consistent Social Groups are the best places to meet new people when you have nowhere else to turn. It’s easier and more common to meet friends at work, school, or through your existing friends, but you don’t always have those options.
Maybe you just moved and don’t know anyone. Maybe you work from home or you don’t care for the three people at your company.
When you don’t have those options – or you’ve exhausted them – CSGs are the next best choice.
2. Events (One-time Meetups)
Events differ from CSGs because they only meet once. An event is planned, people attend, then it’s over.
You can know everyone, some of the people, or no one. Some meetups are free and others cost money. Some are formal events and others are just a group of friends getting together.
Here are some examples:
- Group of friends meeting for drinks at a bar.
- Young professionals social mixer.
- Online marketing conference.
- Gun show.
- Trunk show (clothing designer showcases and sells merchandise to select customers).
- Meetups from meetup.com (like hiking, drinking, theme parks, etc.)
Meetups and events are good places to meet new people, but it’s a little trickier to turn those people into good friends. You have to befriend a stranger enough that they want to give you their contact info. Then, you have to contact them, reconnect, and make future plans to hang out. Although it’s doable, it’s more difficult than making friends with someone from a CSG who you see every week.
So the pros include:
- Common interest – You’re typically doing something that you and the other people enjoy doing.
- People are expecting to meet new people – Just like CSGs, the people here are usually expecting strangers to be there. So it’s easier to talk them than a stranger in the park.
- Less commitment – CSGs require a lot of commitment and time. A one-time event is much easier to squeeze into your life.
And the cons:
- Harder to turn strangers into friends – Since you only see them once, you have to speed up this process. But it’s easier than making friends with a stranger in public, who has no intention of meeting people.
- Time suck – One event won’t take much of your time, but if you go to meetups regularly, it adds up. And since it’s harder to make new friends than CSGs, it usually takes more time to make new friends this way.
Basically, meetups and events are decent places for meeting people. They aren’t as good as CSGs, but you can find and attend them a little easier with less commitment.
3. Public Areas
Public areas are where you find people every day. At the mall, the gym, a park, Best Buy, the grocery store, the beach, etc.
You can find people in public places easily, but it’s really hard to become friends with those people. They’re not expecting to talk to you, and when they do, they’re definitely not expecting to become friends.
They are, however, excellent places for practicing your social skills while you’re out and about. There’s no harm in talking to people and trying if you’re already there.
Some of the pros:
- People are always in public places – You can pretty much always find people in a mall or at a coffee shop. If you’re running errands, you’ll likely run into people you can potentially meet.
- Takes no extra time to try – You already go to public places. You don’t have to do research or find “the right” ones. All you have to do is spark the conversation when you see someone (easier said than done, I know).
- No commitment – You can go home whenever you want. You’re not wasting money or letting anyone down.
- Great for practice – Even if you don’t make new friends, you can get better at talking to people and connecting with them. We’ll show you how later in this course.
And the cons:
- Very difficult for making friends – These people aren’t expecting to meet you and often don’t want to have in-depth conversations.
Public places are great for finding people and practicing your conversation skills, but they’re poor for making new friends.
4. Work (or School)
Work and school are great places for meeting new people. You share commonalities with many people – you’re in the same department, class, row of cubicles, etc. – and you see the same people almost every day.
It’s similar to a CSG, but you spend way more time at school or work.
Additionally, you do intense work with some of your coworkers and you can move at your own pace. All of these attributes make a workplace great for meeting potential friends.
But, there are a few drawbacks. People are more reserved at work since their career is at stake. Also, you have more to lose (your job) if you offend someone or act inappropriately. Even if you don’t lose your job, your reputation will stay with you, unlike CSGs where you can just go to a different group and start over.
Although you won’t be interested in everyone, consider yourself lucky if you have this opportunity because it’s one of the easiest ways to make new friends once you learn how to do it right.
5. Through Friends and Acquaintances
This is the easiest way to make new friends, if you have the chance. Anyone who looks back at how they made their friends will often notice that they met many of them through their other friends.
Don’t depend on this strategy alone though. It’s good to have variation between the different people you meet so you can decide the type of people you like hanging out with most.
If you don’t have any friends in your area to help you meet other people, that’s fine. This is a great technique to use once you meet a few friends through other means like CSGs, and it’s the best way to quickly go from having no friends to having a flourishing social circle.
Recap
There are five main ways to make new friends:
- Consistent Social Groups (CSGs)
- Meetups and Events
- Public Places
- Work (or School)
- Through Friends and Acquaintances
Meeting people at work and through friends aren’t fourth and fifth on the list because they’re the worst (in fact they are the two most common places for meeting new friends), but because we’re not going to discuss them any more in this module. This module is for finding new people, and you already know where to find those people.
CSGs are the best places to meet new people when you don’t have any friends or the right work environment.
Meetups and events are decent places, but they’re not great.
And making new friends in public areas is the hardest, but those places are great for practicing your social skills.
Combining these strategies will get you the quickest results. For example, if you meet new people at CSGs, then meet their friends, you can have a thriving social circle in no time.
You’re going to learn how to meet new friends in all of these situations, so choose the ones that work best for you.
Now that you understand these differences, we can finally start finding specific places for you to meet new people. See you in the next lesson.