Public areas – parks, malls, shops, restaurants, bars, grocery stores, or anywhere that people go about their day in a public setting – are the most difficult places to make new friends. People are usually trying to complete an errand (shopping) so they can leave, enjoy time with their friends (bar, restaurant, beach, etc.), or they’re working (bartender, waiter, barista, etc.).
But it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t talk to these people. Even though it’s very difficult to turn these people into friends, there are three good reasons you should still talk to them:
- You’ll improve your social skills. The more people you talk to, the better you get at carrying enjoyable conversations.
- Your day will be more enjoyable. Humans are programmed to be social and good conversation makes us feel good. It may be hard and scary at first, but you’ll realize that life is a lot more fun when you can enjoy it with the people around you, including strangers.
- You might build meaningful relationships. It may not happen often, but every now and then you might end up making a new friend, business contact, or acquaintance who adds value to your life. For example, my wife and I get free drinks from a bartender we barely know just because one day we talked to her and made her day at work a little better.
Unlike CSGs and events, there’s not much you can do to prepare. You’ll just have to practice to get better.
Another major difference with public areas is that people are not expecting to socialize with you, which brings us to our three main rules:
- Don’t start the conversation by introducing yourself.
- Don’t start the conversation by asking a personal question (e.g. “How’s it going?”).
- Have a reason for starting the conversation.
Introducing yourself or asking a personal question assumes that they might be willing to have a fun conversation with you. That’s fine when you’re at an event or group meeting, but not when you’re in public because these people are in a different mindset.
How to Meet People in Public Areas
You need to have a reason for starting the conversation since you’ll be interrupting them from whatever they are doing. They might be grocery shopping, trying on new clothes, laying out at the beach, throwing the football around at the park, working out, drinking with friends, waiting in line, or something else. When you have a reason for interrupting them, they won’t be upset or weirded out when you do.
The best ways to start conversations with strangers in public are:
- Contextual questions.
- Contextual statements/compliments.
Here are some examples:
- (When you are in the salsa aisle) – “Hey, pardon me, but do you know of any good salsas? I have been trying to find a good salsa I like and have struck out with the last few I tried.”
- “Damn, those are cool boots. I love how they come off as dress shoes when you are wearing pants. Where’d you get those?”
- “Sorry to bother you, but I just want to say that I really like your hat. Those aren’t easy to rock, but you definitely pull it off.”
- (Only say this if you really do like the item) – “Excuse me, have you ever tried this off-brand Sriracha (or another item you love)? OMG you haven’t? No joke, it is so damn good. Next time you make burritos, I highly recommend you try it.”
- What’s your favorite warm coffee drink here?
It doesn’t take much, but the other person needs to understand why you’re talking to them. From there, you need to find a way to connect on a personal level, which we’ll discuss in more detail in the next module. Only then can you introduce yourself.
When you meet people in any of the other places (CSGs, events, etc.), you want to introduce yourself ASAP. But in public areas, it goes like this:
Start conversation –> Make personal connection –> Introduce Yourself
For example, You don’t want the conversation to go like this:
Me: Do you know where the shampoo is?
Them: It’s right over here.
Me: Thanks. I’m Rob by the way.
They will think to themselves, “Why do I care?”
You need to make a personal connection first, which you’ll learn in Module 3. For now, all you need to know is how to start the conversation. If you can do that, you’re ready for the next lesson.
Actions Steps
1. Start conversations with strangers in public areas.
- Ask a contextual question.
- Or make a contextual statement/compliment.
The hard part isn’t starting the conversation, it’s keeping it going. You’ll learn a lot about doing that in the next module.
But the good thing is that it doesn’t matter if the conversation doesn’t lead anywhere. You can ask someone a question, get a response, and just say, “Thanks.” That alone will get you so much better at talking to strangers. Once you realize that conversations don’t have to lead anywhere, they’re a lot easier to start.