Do you have the opportunity to make new friends at work or school? If so, consider yourself lucky because some people are unemployed, work from home, or don’t want to befriend the coworkers they already know.
There are a few different situations you may find yourself in:
- You’re new to the company or there are a lot of people you haven’t met. In these situations, it’s just like you’re meeting a stranger in the work environment.
- You’ve met some people who work around you but you haven’t built a connection with them. People get hung up here because they don’t want to introduce themselves to someone they think they’re supposed to know, but they don’t know the other person well either. We have good strategies to help you through this.
In either case, the number one goal is to get on a first-name basis to make the relationship personal. If you find yourself making small talk with someone but you don’t know their name, you need to get it before you can take the relationship much further. We’ll talk about this more in just a moment.
Just like the other scenarios for meeting people, you want to be prepared. Let’s go through the ways you can prepare to meet people at work.
Preparation
Determine what you’re trying to accomplish. Here are the common goals:
- You aren’t looking to meet anyone in particular. You want to be more social and meet people in a variety of settings, whether at the water cooler, kitchen, walking down the hall, popping in cubicles or offices, while working with or near each other, etc.
- You want to meet a specific person you’ve never met.
- You want to start a conversation with a specific person you’ve met, but don’t know on a first name basis. I.e. you’re not comfortable going up to them and starting a personal conversation.
Note: If you’re already comfortable starting a conversation with a specific person but want to build a stronger connection with them, you’ll learn how in the next module.
You may have an interest in all three of the above. That’s fine. Once you know what you want to accomplish, think about the different ways you can meet these people.
- For #1, where do people gather? Where do you often run into people? Can you say hi to people when you get to work and walk past their workstations?
- For #2 and #3 above, can you stop by their office or cubicle randomly? Do you run into them while heating up your lunch? In what ways could you casually “run into them” so you can start a conversation? You don’t want to walk across the office to talk to someone unless you have a good reason.
So, for #2 or #3, an example may look like this: I’d really like to get to know Mark better. I walk past his cube often, but don’t know how to start talking to him other than nodding or saying hi as I walk by.
Once you’ve determined your goals and potential situations you can meet people in, you’re ready to learn how to meet these people.
How to Meet People at Work
I’m going to give you a few different ways to meet people for two different scenarios – people you’ve never met and people you’ve met but aren’t on a first-name basis with. Once you nail these, you should be able to meet anyone in your company.
Meeting People at Work for the First Time
Introducing yourself is the essence of meeting new people at work. People expect to meet the other people in their company and they’ll be flattered when you show interest in meeting them.
But certain situations call for different strategies. Let’s go through the best ways to people in a few common scenarios.
- You’re both close to each other. If you’re both making coffee, waiting in line to get water, working right next to each other, in an elevator, or in any situation where neither of you is leaving immediately, you can introduce yourself or say something contextual.
- Their office, cubicle, or work area is close to yours. If you walk by their work area often or they work near you, you can stop by their office or pop your head over the cubicle and introduce yourself or say something contextual (I’ll give more specific examples below).
- You see them in passing, they’re about to go somewhere else, or their work area isn’t near yours. You’ll need a specific reason to meet them. Otherwise, it’ll seem weird because you don’t have a reason for going out of your way to meet them.
Here are some easy ways to introduce yourself in scenarios A and B above:
- Hey there, I’m Rob. I don’t believe we’ve met.
- Hey, I always walk by here but haven’t introduced myself yet. I’m Rob.
- Hey, how’s it going? I’m Rob by the way.
- Hi. We work right by each other and I haven’t introduced myself. I’m Rob.
Always extend your hand for a handshake and make sure they respond with their name. If they don’t, you need to ask them for it. And once you get their name, remember and use it.
Now, if you want to start with something contextual, you might give them a compliment, ask them a question, mention something that you might have in common (“you’re in the risk department, right?”), etc. But you need to follow up with an introduction. Here are some examples:
Me: Hey, I like your boots. Who makes them?
Them: Thanks. A company called Thursday Boots.
Me: Awesome. I’ll have to check them out. I’m Rob by the way…
Here’s another:
Me: You just moved into this cube right?
Them: Yeah.
Me: Cool. I’m Rob…
And another:
Me: Do you know if they keep spare Kleenex boxes around here?
Them: Yeah, they’re in cupboard above the sink in that kitchen right there.
Me: Awesome, thanks. I’m Rob by the way…
And once you meet the person, make sure to say something along the lines of, “Its good to meet you.”
If you don’t work near the person or they aren’t standing, working or waiting near you, you’ll need to have a good reason to meet them. You’ll have to do a little research to find a good reason. Here are some examples of good reasons:
- They can help you with something specific that not many others can’t, whether personal or work related. E.g. “Hey, I’m Rob. I’m trying to figure out how to load things into this new web server, and Dave told me to come talk to you.”
- You found out that you both have something in common and it’s a good enough reason to meet them. E.g. “Hey, Samantha told me you’re really into mountain biking so I had to come meet you. It’s one of my favorite things to do. I’m Rob by the way.”
- You can help them with something they’d love to have help with. E.g. “Hey, I’m Rob and I heard you were looking for someone to take your newborn photos. I actually take newborn photos often and give everyone in the office a discount. If you’re interested, I’ll send you a link with my portfolio. If not, no worries at all :)”
These reasons make it easy to start a conversation and introduce yourself to someone that you normally wouldn’t have a reason to talk to. However, it takes research and creativity, and isn’t always easy to find that reason.
To summarize, if someone is physically near you or works in your area, you can introduce yourself or say something contextual first. Otherwise, you need to find a reason before introducing yourself.
Once you’ve given them your name and you’ve gotten theirs, you’ve successfully met them and you’re ready to build a stronger connection, which we’ll go through in the next module.
Meeting People You’ve Spoken to Before
Many people struggle to introduce themselves to people that they’ve made small-talk with, but don’t know on a first-name basis. This prevents people from deepening many relationships. There are two main strategies you can use here.
First, if you think that you are supposed to know their name, you can figure it out (ask someone else, check the company directory, look at their nameplate on their office or cube, etc.) and just start using it.
The next time you see them, instead of saying, “Hey, how’s it going?” you can say, “Hey John. How was your weekend?”
But a lot of times you won’t feel comfortable pretending you know them when you shouldn’t. In these cases, it’s best to own up to the fact that you haven’t formally met and introduce yourself. Here are some ways you can do this:
Hey, sorry, I know we’ve talked a few times but I haven’t actually introduced myself, I’m Rob. [if they don’t say their name and you don’t know it, then add this] And what’s your name?
Hey, you’re John, right? Just wanted to make sure since we haven’t formally met yet. I’m Rob by the way.
Hey, I’m sorry I know we’ve worked a good amount together but I feel like we haven’t actually met. It’s John, right? Cool, and I’m Rob.
Using this strategy, you can finally get on a first-name basis so you can start building a personal connection, possibly leading to a real friendship.
Action Steps
1. Determine your goals.
- Do you want to meet specific people?
- Do you want to become more social and prepare yourself to meet anyone?
2. Prepare.
- Think through the different scenarios you might meet people (walking by their work area, in the kitchen, etc.).
- Determine how you will get on a first name basis. Will you be able to introduce yourself? Do you need a reason for starting the conversation?
3. Start the conversation, introduce yourself, and get their first name.
- If necessary, give a reason for wanting to meet them (only if it’d be weird to go out of your way to meet them. Not necessary if you work near them or have an opportunity to talk while waiting for something like coffee, elevator, etc.).
- If you’ve spoken to them before, mention that you know you’ve talked to them but you wanted to formally introduce yourself.
- If you should already know their name (you’ve introduced yourself in the past, you’ve spoken a number of time, etc.), but you never use it or don’t remember it, figure out what it is and start using their name when you talk to them.