The best and easiest way to meet new people is through your friends and acquaintances. It’s easier to meet people when you have something in common, and the “stronger” the commonality, the easier it is to connect right off the batt.
Having a referral or common friend gives you an immediate commonality with someone, and it acts as a filter for the person you meet. Your friend wouldn’t be friends with you if they didn’t like you and an acquaintance won’t refer you if they don’t trust you.
Often times, once you make one friend, you have an opportunity to meet their whole group of friends. This happens frequently – you befriend one member of a social circle, then you quickly befriend the others, making this a great strategy for making new friends.
There are two different ways to meet new people through your existing contacts:
- Direct contact – someone puts you in touch with someone else.
- Indirect contact – meeting your friends’ friends.
Direct contact is when someone puts you in touch with another person, then steps out of the picture. You speak directly to the new person with the intent of getting to know each other.
Indirect contact is when you meet someone through a friend while they stay in the picture. For example, your friend throws a BBQ and has friends over. She introduces you to a friend or you meet someone there on your own. You and the others aren’t necessarily there to meet each other, but that is a very plausible outcome. I.e. you don’t speak directly to your potential friends to set up a meeting or hangout.
Direct contact is best for the following scenarios:
- You have a good relationship with your connection, or they at least seem to like you (especially if you just met), but they aren’t much of a social friend. Often this is due to an age or geographical difference.
- Your contact is really busy and it would be hard to get something scheduled with them and any potential new friends.
- Your contact wouldn’t be offended if you hang out with their friends without them. This is often dependent on their personality and lifestyle. If they are confident, busy, know a lot of people and seem to enjoy life, they might be stoked to put you in touch with people and let you guys connect without them. But others may get more jealous. If they think you don’t care about them, you are using them to meet other people, or you’d steal their time away from their friend, direct contact is not a good option.
Indirect contact is best for these situations:
- Your contact is friends with the other person/people.
- Your contact is or could become a good friend of yours.
- Your contact wants to be included.
Let’s see how you can meet people in both situations.
Meeting People through Direct Contact
There are plenty of ways you can meet new people through direct contact because you don’t need to be friends with the person helping you out. Your acquaintance might be your barber, your friend’s mom’s friend, an older coworker, your landlord, or any other person who you make a small but friendly connection with.
To meet new people using this method, you need to:
- Come up with a reason for meeting new people.
- Find someone to ask for help.
- Ask for help.
If that all goes well, you’ll then need to:
- Reach out to your new contact and see if they’re interested in meeting up.
- Set up the meetup.
- Meet up.
Let’s go through these six steps:
1. Come up with a reason for meeting new people.
If your barber mentions he has a son your age and you ask him to put you two in touch, it will seem weird. He will wonder why, of all people, you want to meet his son who you don’t know anything about.
But if you tell your barber that you just moved to the area and you’re looking to meet new people your age, he may happily put you in touch with his son, because you have a reason.
This is the strategy that helped me meet my first friend in Santa Fe, NM, where I had moved without knowing a soul. I had a coworker who was a generation older than me and I told him that I was looking to meet people my age. Not long after, he met a younger guy, Matt, in a business meeting and told him about me. Matt emailed me, and we eventually met up.
Without that relationship, I wouldn’t have created the amazing social circle I ended up with.
But none of this will work if you don’t have a reason. Moving somewhere new is an excellent reason. You don’t know anyone and you’re looking to make friends. People understand that and want to help you.
If you have lived in your area for a while though, you’ll need a different reason because you don’t want to lie. My favorite reason is saying that you’re looking for specific types of people to fill a new void in your life. For example:
Hey, I finally have free time in my life and I’m looking to meet active people who love the outdoors. If you know anyone, maybe you can put us in touch?
Or:
I’ve gotten really into building my online business, and I wish I knew other entrepreneurs or internet marketers. If you happen to know or meet anyone like this, let me know cuz I’d love to meet them.
Depending on your criteria and the person you’re asking for help, they may have plenty of people to refer you to or none at all. You’ll have to be creative and figure out what you want and what works for you. This is why it’s so important to go through the first module to figure out your goals and your interests.
Once you come up with your reason, you need to start asking for help.
2. Find someone to ask for help.
Whether it’s an acquaintance or someone you just bonded with, you need to tell them about your situation – your reason for wanting new friends – to see if they can help you.
Do you know anyone who may be able to help? Even if they don’t live in your area, but you think they know other people who do, consider asking them.
Come up with a list or a person, then move on to the next step.
3. Ask for help.
If you know who you want to get help from, reach out or wait until the next time you see them and tell them your situation. Tell them why you are looking to meet new people and ask if they know anyone they can introduce you to.
But you also want to be ready to ask new people for help. Have your reason ready to go at any time because you might meet a stranger, like your barber, who can help you out. As long as you build a connection, no matter how small, and think the other person would be willing to help you, go for the ask.
If you feel stressed or nervous asking for help, ease into it. First, just mention that you’re looking to meet new people and give them your reason. You don’t have to ask for anything yet. Then, see how they respond. If you don’t want to see if they can help, don’t. But, at that point, it’s not difficult or intrusive to say, “If you happen to know anyone you can put me in touch with, that’d be super helpful.”
4. Reach out to your new contact.
Once you get a response from someone and they give you a contact, reach out to the new contact. This will usually be through email, text, or social media.
Introduce yourself, explain your situation about why you’re looking to meet new people, then see if they’d be interested in meeting up for a drink, coffee, bite to eat, or something else.
Don’t be pushy and be completely understanding if they say no. They might be busy or uninterested now, but it doesn’t mean they won’t be interested later. Keep a good relationship with them regardless of their level of interest.
5. Set up the meetup.
If they show interest, awesome! Reply with some options and different dates and times that work for you. All you need to do here is schedule your meetup.
6. Meet up.
Once you’ve scheduled your meetup, it’s time to meet your new acquaintance. When you see them, stick out your hand for a handshake, introduce yourself, tell them you’re glad that this worked out and you’re happy to meet them, and that’s it. You’ve now met a new potential friend.
Meeting People through Indirect Contact
Meeting people through indirect contact is akin to meeting friends of friends. You meet up with your friend when they’re hanging out with some of their other friends and you meet them.
Start by letting your friends know that you’re looking to meet new people. Ask them if they’d be okay with introducing you to their other friends. Maybe they will invite you the next time they meet up with their other friends.
You may need to be proactive to get the meetup to happen, just don’t be pushy. Once you get it planned, attend and meet their other friends by introducing yourself.
Action Steps:
1. Meeting People through Direct Contact
- Come up with the reason you want to meet new people.
- Find someone to ask for help.
- Ask for help.
- Reach out to your new contact and see if they’re interested in meeting up.
- Schedule and set up the meetup.
- Meet up and introduce yourself.
2. Meeting People through Indirect Contact
- Let your friends know that you’re looking to meet new people.
- Ask if you can meet some of their other friends sometime when they hang out.
- Schedule the hangout.
- Attend and meet their friends by introducing yourself.