This module is a little trickier than the first two. Finding places to meet people and meeting them the right way is pretty straightforward. But building a strong, genuine connection with another person doesn’t always go as planned.
There’s a lot to take in, so I want to give you a few pointers to help you through the process.
1. Perfection Isn’t Necessary
It’d be great if we could find the exact people we want to befriend and become best friends every time, where every conversation goes perfectly. But it doesn’t work that way, and that’s okay.
To make new friends, you don’t have to be anywhere near perfect. In the past, I made plenty of friends without many of the tactics I gave you – I didn’t compliment them, I wasn’t very positive, I didn’t have the mindset that my life was amazing – yet I was still able to make new friends.
This is good news. It means you can start making new friends today. You don’t have to be perfect with these skills.
Just do your best to remember and incorporate each of the skills. As you do, you’ll make friends that much easier. Even though it’s not necessary to use each and every strategy I provide, each one you add or perfect will improve your odds and make your bonds stronger.
Do your best to apply these lessons, but don’t worry about struggling or forgetting some. And definitely, don’t let your lack of skills stop you from meeting new people.
2. Your Timing Will Vary
Since relationships are dynamic, each situation will be different. Sometimes you’ll make friends quickly and other times it will take many meetups before it works out, if at all.
There are many factors at play here. It can depend on the group, the environment, the situation, the other person, etc.
Realize that it won’t always go quickly and accept that. When I teach the lessons in this course, I describe them in a linear fashion. You do A, then B, then C, etc. This makes it seem like you should always have their contact info after your first meeting.
But it won’t always go that smoothly. You may not have to opportunity to connect with someone the first time you meet. Or you may not find commonalities at first. Maybe you will the second or third time though.
Don’t feel bad if you don’t make much progress during the first meeting. It’s not easy to befriend someone that quickly. That’s why CSGs are so important. They give you multiple opportunities to connect with people. It’s also why work and school are great for making new friends – you’re repeatedly exposed to the same people.
Don’t expect to befriend people quickly every time. Just do your best to build a connection. If you have an opportunity to toss out a soft invite, go for it. If not, maybe you will next time.
3. You Can’t Befriend Everyone
It’s impossible to get everyone to like you, and you shouldn’t even want to. You’re going to experience some rejection. That’s normal.
People who you want to befriend will not always show the same interest in you. You have to understand and accept this. It doesn’t mean you’re a poor prospect – it just means that you aren’t the right fit for them at this moment in time.
People are busy. Even if they turn down your soft invite, they still might like you. It could be that they’re really busy or aren’t looking to make new friends right now. Just keep building a connection with them. Later down the line they might change their mind and want to hang out. This happens very often.
And if not, no big deal. You can’t befriend everyone. You gained valuable experience which will help you get better at connecting with people.
4. Take Things One-at-a-time
When you read through the lessons, everything probably makes a lot of sense. You might think to yourself, “Okay, I can do this!” But once you actually start talking to someone, you forget the lessons.
This is common. That’s why I boiled the strategies down to just a few, simple concepts. That way, you just have to think to yourself, “Am I being curious?” Or, “Am I relating to what they’re saying?”
Even with this simplicity, it can be difficult. If you find it difficult, choose only one tactic to improve. Make sure you are applying it to every conversation or applicable moment. You can do this for a whole day or an entire week. Take as long as you want to really add this strategy or mindset to your repertoire.
For example, if you want to change your mindset and believe your life is awesome, focus on that throughout the day. Do you constantly express how happy you are or how awesome life is to yourself? Are you appreciating the good, small things in life at every opportunity? When people ask you how you’re doing, do you say, “excellent,” “awesome,” or some variant of that?
Or if you want to be more curious, focus on asking people questions. Sure, you want to get better at relating to what they say too, but pay most attention to asking questions. Get comfortable asking everyone you talk to questions. Soon it will become second nature.
It’s much easier to apply one tactic when that’s the only one you’re thinking of. Once you get good at doing it, you can move to another one.
Making friends is a complex process. If you understand that things don’t always go your way, you’ll be fine. Just stick to the lessons in this course and keep moving forward, and things will work out for you.